Welcome to The Gospel of Schultz’s JERK MERCH!
So, what exactly is JERK MERCH, anyway… and who is this Schultz person? Both excellent questions.
I come from a long line of smartasses. I’m not talking your “every day” smartasses, but professional-grade, A-1, full-blown SMARTASSES. My father was the Grand Poobah of Smartassery (in that “Archie Bunker-on-steroids” kind of way). If there was a snide remark or off-colour comment, you can be sure it came from him —with not a thought given to political correctness or the sensitivities of others. He mellowed a bit in his older age, but was still zinging them off, even on his death bed. When he died, we threw a party instead of a funeral, where we told stories, and shared the “gospel” according to Schultz. I had some merchandise made for my family that immortalized some of his tamer quotes and philosophies. Before long, other people were entertained by this, and asked if they could buy some — and thus, The Gospel of Schultz and JERK MERCH were born!
The rest of us in the family are known for our self-deprecating humour, quick wit, snide comments, and sarcasm -even the children (though none of us are as old-school inappropriate as Dad was). Pretty soon, I was creating merchandise that not only came from the “wisdom” of Dad, as my own smartassery began to emerge. Floodgates open! JERK MERCH is basically smartassery for sale. There are mugs, shirts, magnets, and coasters (available at live events), though the Jerk Greeting Cards are the main event!
Jerk Greeting Cards are original, humourous, slightly offensive, and completely sarcastic. You’re not finding these babies at Hallmark —no siree, Bob! The best part is, there are over 100 different Jerk Cards available, and for all occasions! Jerk Greeting Cards get to the heart of what we’re all thinking, and are exactly what you’ve always wanted to say, though you've never had the guts (or lack of self-awareness) to actually go through with it! Now, no matter the occasion, with a Jerk Greeting Card, you can say it with contempt or indifference! They look all sweet and innocent on the outside, but they are definitely a roundhouse kick to the psyche on the inside!
Say it with contempt or indifference
coasters, sticky notes, decals, bookmarks, etc.
Put your damned optimism away.
Coping mechanism or creative genius? You decide.
Leave ‘em on the windshield and walk away!